What's Love Got To Do With It?
By Dr. Fern Kazlow*
Why are we so obsessed with love? We crave the way love feels, the glow, the joy, the chemistry, the flow. We use love's presence to prove we are valued, worthwhile, special - in fact, loveable. Or love's absence to prove we aren't. We use love to feel our connection to ourselves, to life, to our Source ("God")…
But we miss the point when we think that love is about finding the right person or place. Although love appears to be elusive and an illusion, we merely believe it to be mysterious because we attribute it to others, places, seasons, etc. Love is actually quite easy to understand - profound, yet remarkably simple.
We constantly seek the state we call love. We are drawn to the feeling of it, and we have connected that sensation with the experience of loving, and have further connected that experience with the object of our affection. Yet, we have never learned that love is a state that we can experience at will. It is a part of ourselves, perhaps the deepest, most fundamental part, the place where we experience God within - and that is why we seek love.
Much as we search for love, it is never far away. It is an intrinsic part of nature and of being human. Love is always present, eternally patient. It is a vibration, a resonance, a force, a state of being. We can open ourselves to love, or construct barriers to stop its flow. It is a matter of where we put our focus and attention.
When you love someone, you should not focus on your differences - turning your attention away from your connection, from the harmony between you and the good feelings within yourselves. If each of you is only focused on being right, rather than on being happy and feeling good - the relationship will deteriorate.
Physical attraction is not what sustains relationships. In fact, it is a small part of the initial appeal; what is really going on is that you are drawn to the way you feel. It's about the vibration within you, and your desire for that state.
Love is a choice: to connect or not, to BE love or not - those are the real choices. Sometimes we pretend that the loss of love is about our differences, our disputes, lack of attraction; but it's really about how we want to live, who we want to be, where we want to put our attention. Are we choosing to be our best self, living in the higher vibrations and resonance of love, connection, and Source? When we focus on our differences, we are often using them as an excuse, a "reason" to be separate, a wish to be right. We are deciding to disconnect - from ourselves, and others. The choice is always there: the choice is always ours. While we may not pick or decide to stay in a particular relationship, the choice to live in a state of love is there. If you choose love, and even become love, you will attract more of the same. Stay focused on the love and fun you desire and your differences will be easily resolved.
Each of us can find the love that we seek. Love that is lasting...
* Dr. Fern Kazlow created the Integrative Therapy and Integrative Action Center in New York City in 1981. Please check her website: www.integrativeaction.com.